Anxiety...

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philipians 4:6



I have always been an anxious person. When you take an anxious person and throw in that "little" job called parenting it becomes a whole new ball game. Some days it consumes me.

For awhile we have known that Aiden was lagging in his speech development. We failed the "test" at 15 months and 18 months. Now that he is rapidly approaching 2 we are becoming concerned. Translation: this Momma is flipping out.

Here are the stats:

- 50 to 75 words
- Understands simple questions
- Puts together simple sentences (2 words)
- Points to pictures in books
- Learns 10 new words a day
- Follows two step commands
- Points to at least 2 body parts

7 strikes. Nope, Nada, Niet, No.


When to be concerned:

- Doesn't say more than 5 words
- Can't point to at least 2 body parts
- Doesn't respond with a yes or no to simple questions
- Can't identify simple objects such as ball or cat
- Doesn't mix babble with intelligible speech
- Doesn't enjoy being read to
- Doesn't understand yes or no questions such as "are you ready?"
- Doesn't understand simple phrases such as "under the table" or "in the box"

He likes to be read to and we say 8 words. He does actually know what a ball is but that pretty much ends that qualification. That is pretty much striking out as well in my opinion.

Sometimes the internet is not my friend. Sometimes it simply adds to my anxious hearts cry. Yet I am a very proactive person. Most of the time. I pushed against speech therapy, I thought they were being ridiculous to even bring it up at 15 months. Apparently he escaped by the skin of his teeth at 18 months with his 8 words, many of which he dropped shortly after. Regression not progression is a scary thing as a parent.

Then there are his ears which in all likelihood could be the cause of his speech delays. He has been on Zyrtec since 4 months and at EVERY appointment both well baby and sick he has had fluid on his ears. Excuse me, there was ONE appointment in our 21 months that his ears looked "good." Each time I have heard the phrase "we will keep an eye on it." What exactly does that mean? After almost 2 years what do you consider keeping an eye on it entails? I am thinking we have kept an eye on it for way too long and it is time to actually do something about it.

Our pediatrician will be seeing Aiden as soon as we get home. He will be evaluated by an ENT, a speech therapist, and a stomach dude (technical term). Our issues have been pushed under the rug for far too long. Do not tell me this is normal, I may be a first time Momma, but I am NOT stupid.

I have begun looking into EI (Early Intervention) which is the program we would be referred to for speech therapy. I have decided that I must not be a fly on the wall but a proactive parent who sometimes pushes the pediatrician to be more aggressive in treating my sweet little monkey. I would love to have Aiden evaluated by the CT branch of EI soon as I know that if or more accurately when we are diagnosed with a problem time will be of the essence. It appears that in CT you must be put into the program before age 2 and if it is the same in KY we are pushing that mark if we wait to get home and see our pediatrician first. I don't want to risk that chance.

Now here is the problem, EI is free, it is a state run program. That means we might not be able to travel any longer if he does in fact need EI as we would have to reside and be treated in the state in which we pay taxes. This would certainly not be how we would want to end this adventure but we understand that sacrifices are made often for your kids. It isn't about us anymore.

Needless to say my head is a muddle of anxious thoughts. I look at my sweet boy and wonder if I was wrong. Wrong to assume they were silly and he would talk on his own. Wrong to not push for an ENT visit to check the constant fluid on his ears. Maybe I was wrong.

This won't be the first time I was wrong, nor will it be the last. I will fail often as a parent. I also know that I will do my best and that I will then have to entrust my sweet boy to the one who loves him even more than I do.

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

25“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his lifeb?

28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:25-34

So for today I am trying not to worry about tomorrow, I am trying to remember that there is one who cares more than I do.