"Fear"

I have been a bit absent for awhile. Sorry.

This post will be open, honest, and very raw. I am writing as much to myself as to whoever reads. I need something to hold myself accountable.

I am struggling. Satan is attacking and I feel like I can't catch my breath.

This baby is a miracle. I should not be pregnant, but I am. God never ceases to amaze me as he pours out blessings upon this little family. Yet sometimes in the day to day I forget to trust the one who gives those blessings with all of the little things in life.

A little less than a week after we found out I was pregnant I ended up in the E.R. We were away from home, away from our support system, and away from my doctor. It was not an easy way to start this journey. A few of the symptoms that sent us to the E.R. continue to plague me daily. My ob is not concerned and has even told me I am not considered to be high risk at this time. Everything looks good.

Yet fear has crept in and become debilitating.

I am scared. Scared to run more than one errand at a time. Scared to clean and cook all in the same day. Scared to lift my sweet baby. Scared to climb stares or walk from a far parking spot. I am scared to move.

I have only come to fully realize how deep the fear is in the last week and it has been so convicting. I am trying so hard to give it over to God but it is a daily battle of surrender and trust.

If one thing is true, I KNOW this fear is not from God.

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

I was talking with my husband about my fear the other morning when he so sweetly pointed me to Philipians 4. I am so grateful for the reminder.

"Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone, The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:4-7

Do not be anxious about ANYTHING.

Anything includes so much. The baby, the looming unexpected medical bills, the house, the car, the job.

Do not be anxious about ANYTHING.

Why?

Because God did not give us a spirit of fear.
Because Peace is only a prayer away.