Far too often in the last few weeks I have let fear dwell in my heart. I have always struggled with worry. I would like to say all women do but I know that is just an excuse.
I know part of the issue is that we are in a new location, I don't know anyone, we only have one car...etc etc etc
The reality is that those are all just excuses as well. Sure I have had plenty of extra time to think and ponder on life. Yet it is my choice to dwell on the negative letting worry and fear take hold.
It has been a hard week.
- The emotional struggle with infertility has reared its ugly head and I have not been successful in tampering it down.
- My husband has talked life insurance. Again. Why again? Well probably because I don't like to talk about it so I avoid the topic like the plague.
- I found out a girl I went to school with has stage 4 cancer. She has a 3 year old, a 1 year old and a newborn.
Sometimes life doesn't seem fair. Sometimes I don't understand why. Sometimes I am afraid. Sometimes I sneak in to Aiden's room for nights on end just to make sure he is still breathing.
Then I stop and hear that still small voice that wispers into my soul what I seem to have forgotten.
I serve a God of love. I serve a God who is the giver and taker of life. I serve a God who somehow and someway works ALL things for the good. No I may not understand how or why or when...but GOD DOES.
We sang this song in church this morning...
"Your Love Never Fails"
Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes
But You have new mercies for me everyday
Your love never fails
Chorus:
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails
Verse 2:
The wind is strong and the water's deep
But I'm not alone in these open seas
Cause Your love never fails
The chasm is far too wide
I never thought I'd reach the other side
But Your love never fails
Bridge:
You make all things work together for my good
It is a song by Jesus Culture.
As I stood there fighting tears I was reminded that my God is for me. Ultimately no matter what comes in this life He is FOR ME. If I become like Job and loose everything I have He is still for me and He still LOVES ME.
My God LOVES ME.
So this week I want to keep my mind on Christ. I want to fill those quiet moments with scripture and fight the fear. I want to remember that life here on earth has no guarantees and I want to treasure each tiny moment I have with my sweet family.
Oh, mama friend ... I struggle with worry all the time. When I hear similar stories to what you've mentioned, it springs up in my heart and almost consumes me. In those moments, I stop, pray, and breathe. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it takes awhile for the worry and fear to subside.
ReplyDeletePraying for you!