The budget is something I worked on at the beginning of our marriage, back when we were broke and didn't even know it (hey honeymoon stage people)! I was "blessed" with this task until shortly after we moved to Louisville. Sadly when the side effects of fertility treatments caught up with me and sent me into a deep depression I failed at my task. I couldn't handle it, and my dear sweet husband lovingly took over so that bills were paid, and ON TIME!
Now that I am at home full time the task has returned to my hands once more. I am, in the general sense, better with money than my dear sweet husband. I like to make every penny count, sometimes to the ridiculous point. We balance each other well, sometimes he helps me "have fun" and sometimes I reign him in before he buys the next technological dream toy.
Yet I sit down with the bills, pull up the bank account, and a sense of dread overwhelms me. I found myself there today.
I know when I open that folder that it won't be pretty. I stopped working over 14 months ago. Money is tight, VERY tight. Often we anxiously watch those numbers as we approach payday just hoping we make it. Today as I sat to look deeper into how we can make ends meet each month I armed myself with a weapon...
That's right friends, CHOCOLATE CAKE! If you must attempt the impossible, at least arm yourself with a good piece of cake!!!! For in the end, after the battle you will still be left with the dreaded folder of doom. It still won't be pretty. But at least your belly will be full of cake.
Now here is the true kicker. Our budget doesn't work. We have streamlined it within an inch of its life, and beyond. We live as tightly as humanly possible, but still the numbers don't add up. We shouldn't make it. What happens each and every month? How do we keep groceries in the fridge? I started truly thinking about it today, and wondering how in the world we have made it 14 months with a budget that simply doesn't work.
Then I realized something. God called us to step out in faith, to be a little different. Though we didn't know how it would work we chose to have me at home to raise the kids, whether it is the one we have now, or the six I used to dream of. It has been the dream of my heart since I was small, to just be a mom. God sparked that dream in my heart, and God provided Aiden in a way we never imagined. How do we make it? With God, and God alone. There is NO OTHER ANSWER. He hourly, daily, weekly, and monthly provides in ways that can only be attributed to His amazing care over us.
Yet I continue to worry. Really? Why do I doubt? He has said to cast all our cares on Him, yet I continue to take them back and carry the burden. Why? I am human. I am sinful. He cares for me more than the birds of the air, and He will ALWAYS take care of me. Sure, it may not be in the way I imagined, it may not look good to the world, and it will often be scary. But He will provide, and it is in His promises that I must rest, trusting Him.
So for now, my belly is full of chocolate cake, the bank account looks wretched, and there is joy in my heart because I have been reminded to store up my treasures in heaven and trust in the provisions of my heavenly Father. There is no better place to be...
God is so good! Thanks for sharing!
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