Sometimes I am still surprised...

Sometimes it still catches me by surprise. Sometimes it is a scene on tv, sometimes it is a song, or a commercial. Sometimes it is in a friend announcing they are pregnant, sometimes it is in seeing large families, or the glow on a pregnant woman's face.

It still hurts.

I am not sure the pain of infertility ever goes away.

Yes, I am beyond blessed, and in awe of God's gracious gift of our precious Aiden. I wouldn't trade that little boy for a dozen pregnancies. That is the honest truth.



That day changed our lives forever. I still stand amazed at God's goodness in bringing Aiden to us. I know his birth, and entrance into our family, is a story that speaks clearly of God's perfect plan and care over our lives. I know His way is better than anything I could think or ask. I know this.

Sometimes it still hurts.

Knowing I am broken by the world's standards, often times by my own. Yet at the same time knowing that I am created just as God planned. We don't always understand God's ways, sometimes it hurts, but sometimes it is beautiful.

While I may never feel the flutter of life within me, I feel God's presence. I know He is with me, even in those moments when I am surprised by the pain. In that knowledge comes a sense of peace and joy. I loose sight of that sometimes. Maybe those moments of surprise are God's way of whispering to me that He is still there, that I need to simply trust Him and rest in His perfect plan.